


i'm never close enough to say

by mrs_nerimon



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Five Times, Friendship/Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-11
Updated: 2013-06-11
Packaged: 2017-12-14 15:03:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/838231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrs_nerimon/pseuds/mrs_nerimon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five instances involving Audrey, Nathan, and cups of coffee.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm never close enough to say

**Author's Note:**

> Ages ago I asked for prompts on tumblr, and I finally got around to doing them about a month ago. (Procrastinate? Me? Never.) My friend gave me Audrey/Nathan and coffee, and this is what happened.
> 
> Timeline is wonky but there are references to The Farmer and Last Goodbyes and some vague s4 speculation (i'll leave the How to the people whose job it is to come up with that stuff)

i.

Despite years of working for the FBI, Audrey Parker has yet to master the art of waking up without hitting the snooze button a couple dozen times. She’s tried, really, but it’s just so much more fun to roll over in bed and retreat to a world where people don’t have supernatural abilities and she, once again, leads a normal life.

Unfortunately, her new partner doesn’t seem to have the same mentality.

After a three sentence conversation in which Nathan reminds her work is in fifteen minutes and she gives some version of a grunt in response, Audrey finally pushes herself out of bed.

She darts around the motel room getting ready, brushing her teeth in record time and pulling her hair up so she doesn’t have to bother with it. Luckily the motel is close enough to the station she won’t have to drive too far, but she still berates herself for not getting out of bed sooner as she slips into the car and slams the door.

Traffic’s far too crowded for a town with so few residents. She has to take a back way to the station, and she nearly ends up going down a one way street. When she’s halfway there she realizes she forgot her cup of coffee on the small bedside table, and the coffee maker at work hasn’t been working for the past week. She groans loudly, resisting the urge to smack her forehead on the steering wheel. Audrey knows she’s grouchy in the mornings anyway, but without coffee she’s barely tolerable. 

She briefly considers making a pit stop, but knows that showing up fifteen minutes late on her second week on the job wouldn’t make a great impression with her new coworkers. As it is she barely makes it through the station door as the clock chimes 8, barreling into her and Nathan’s office looking the rough definition of “a complete wreck”.

To his credit, Nathan doesn’t even blink. He just watches her as she sinks down at her desk, closes her eyes and places her head in her hands.

There’s a brief moment of silence, and then-

“Everything okay?”

She lifts her head slowly and fixes him with a stare. “Just dandy.”

Nathan nods in that stoic way he has, returning his attention to the papers in front of him.

Audrey reluctantly eyes the stack of paperwork she has to do. She’s only handled a handful of cases in Haven so far, and somehow she’s managed to accumulate a stack of paperwork the size of a small mountain.

She pulls the first file off the stack and opens it, stares down at the page and can’t seem to do anything.

She picks up her pen and rolls it around, cracks her neck, organizes some stuff on her desk. The minutes tick by and she still hasn’t done anything.

She closes the file and opens it again, but she just can’t bring herself to start.

It’s a few minutes before Nathan finally decides to say something.

“You sure you’re alright?”

Audrey glances up at him, in the middle of popping the cap of her pen on and off repeatedly. She sighs heavily.

“Not really.” When he makes a face like that’s not going to cut it, she rolls her eyes and leans back in her chair. “I didn’t have my coffee this morning.”

“Go make some at the machine.”

“It’s been broken for like a week.” She frowns at him. “You haven’t noticed?”

“I only drink that stuff if it’s an emergency.” He stands up, grabbing his own cup from his desk and dropping it on hers.

She looks up at him in surprise, a question forming on her lips, but he’s already out the door.

The cup is still mostly full, and she’s finished half of it and is in a considerably better mood by the time he comes back with a new cup for himself.

Audrey gives him a grateful grin, but the only response she gets is a slight upward quirk of his lips.

On anyone else it might be a facial twitch, but on Nathan she’s pretty sure it’s the equivalent of a smile.

The next morning she comes in to find a cup already on her desk. She stares him down but Nathan doesn’t even look up, so she keeps quiet.

They get called out on a case an hour later, and she takes a final sip before proclaiming “More sugar next time.”

She sees him smiling to himself out of the corner of her eye.

ii.

Nathan’s not really sure when the coffee shop began automatically doubling his order, he just knows that by now as soon as he walks in they start making two cups. He doesn’t think he’s ever actually taken Audrey there, so for all they know both cups are for him, but either way it’s become normal.

He’s not sure when he began constantly picking up coffee for her either, but he doesn’t really care. Not when she gives him that grateful look every time he holds out the cup, and not when she grabs for it so eagerly and their fingers brush and he has to pretend like it’s not the best moment of his day.

This morning he picks Audrey up at the motel like he’s done so many mornings, but he hasn’t stopped for their coffee yet. He figures he could just swing by on the way to the station; she can wait in the car, it won’t take more than a minute.

However, Audrey has a different view. As she slides into the passenger seat she’s already reaching out her hand to take the expected cup from him, and when her fingers hit nothing but air, she snaps her head to face him.

“No coffee?” She asks, like he’s done something particularly scandalous.

“Not yet. I was going to get some now.”

“No coffee?” She repeats.

“Not. Yet.” He parrots, feeling a bit like he’s talking to a two year old. “We’re going to go get some.”

Audrey seems to snap out of her haze. “Sorry, you just usually have it for me when you pick me up. What’s different today?” She suddenly looks a bit concerned. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, just didn’t have time for it yet.” He puts the car in drive and backs out of the motel’s parking lot, side eyeing her as she finally buckles her seatbelt and relaxes back in the seat.

They drive in silence for a while, which certainly isn’t unusual for them, but it’s not a comfortable silence like it usually is. Something feels off.

Nathan can feel her gaze on him, trailing up and down his torso and he resists the urge to squirm in his seat.

“What are you looking at?”

“Did you hurt yourself?” She asks, and now he feels like the two year old.

“Don’t think so.” He spares a quick glance down at his shirt. “Am I bleeding?”

“No. I just thought something happened.” She glances away quickly.

“Is this about the coffee still?”

Audrey rolls her eyes, and he feels like he might have imagined it but it looks like she scoots just a fraction closer to him on the seat.

“You’re always on time- early, actually. And you’ve just always already picked up our coffee so I thought if you’re late something must have-“

“Nothing happened, Parker.” He cuts her off, feeling flattered and uncomfortable with her worrying over him. It’s a weird feeling, but it’s one that comes up fairly often. Audrey has a tendency to feel like she needs to watch out for him when he can’t watch out for himself, which certainly isn’t a bad trait in a partner, but somehow she seems to go overboard. She checks him for injures after every minor fall or tumble, and it shouldn’t be nearly as endearing as it is. Not that he’d ever tell her that, though.

“Okay.” She gives him a small smile, returning to gazing out the window.

He runs into the coffee shop when they get there, in and out in under five minutes. She holds out two hands when he opens the door, and he gives her both the cups as he slides in and starts the truck. She takes a sip from each before handing the one in her left hand back to him.

“Wait a minute.” She offers, placing her own in the cup holder.

He stares at her for just a beat too long, and she has to remind him they ought to get going before they’re late.

iii.

Marie’s Diner is empty, as it should be at this hour, and Audrey slides into a booth at the end. She’s almost embarrassed to be out this early, but it beats laying in the dark in her apartment and pretending that there’s a chance she’ll fall asleep.

It’s been four days since the Chief died, four days since the other Audrey Parker showed up, and a week since she discovered the woman she’d been searching for for months was, in fact, herself.

Weeks ago that thought would have been enough to make her head hurt, but she’s seen enough in Haven by now to almost be able to take it in stride.

Almost isn’t good enough though. Almost doesn’t account for sleepless night after sleepless night ,and almost doesn’t help with the niggling thoughts in the back of her mind. _If she isn’t Audrey Parker, who the hell is she?_

The bell above the door of the diner rings, and Audrey flits her gaze over to see who else would be up and eager to eat at 4:30 in the morning.

She’s barely surprised to see her partner standing in the doorway.

He spots her in the corner booth, and she nods, leaning back in the bench seat and crossing her arms. She can’t help the small smile that breaks through as Nathan slides in across from her, placing his arms on the table and leaning towards her. He doesn’t say anything, just stares at her in a quiet contemplation that’s become very familiar over the past few months. Audrey sighs, unfolding her arms and leaning forward, mirroring his position.

“Couldn’t sleep?” She asks, taking a moment to note the dark rings under his eyes and the slightly disheveled look he’s been working recently. She’s been dealing with her own stuff lately, but she can’t imagine what Nathan’s been going through either. He’s not one to have a heart-to-heart, but she knows the Chief’s death affected him far more than he’ll let on.

“Looks like you’re in the same boat.” He’s staring down at his hands, and she suddenly feels uncomfortable leaning so close to him. She settles back in her seat, keeping her hands clasped on the table.

“Well, I’ve had a lot to think about lately.” She purses her lips. _That’s the understatement of the century._

“Me too.” Nathan mutters. He looks up at her, and not for the first time the intensity of his gaze catches her off guard. It might be the combination of not enough sleep and not enough to eat, or it could be something else entirely that she’s not ready to think about yet, but he’s looking at her like she’s the only thing he’s seen clearly in a while.

The waitress approaches their table and clears her throat, and Audrey tears her eyes away like she’s been shocked. She moves her hands and lets the elderly woman place her cup of coffee on the table, and stares down at it as she turns and asks Nathan if he wants anything. 

He shakes his head, and Audrey watches as he reaches across the table and takes a sip from hers instead.

“Hey!”

He gives her a little grin, the first she’s seen on him in a while, and shrugs as he places it back on its saucer. “You’re not going to finish all of that, are you?”

She slides the cup across the table until it sits in between the two of them.

“Go right ahead.”

iv.

It’s weird arriving to a crime scene alone. Since about her third week in Haven Nathan has been driving her around; he picks her up in the morning and drops her off at home, and they spend the majority of the time in between together.

 _Not anymore_ , she reminds herself as she slams the car door and starts up the path to the woods. If she’s going to go through with this- and she knows ultimately that she _has_ to- she might as well start now. No point in prolonging the inevitable.

Audrey pushes through the crowd that’s gathered with ease, and slips under the yellow tape. Nathan turns towards her and she wants to back out of the decision she’s made, she wants to lock them both away somewhere where she won’t have to disappear and they won’t have to face the horrors of this town anymore.

Instead she pushes those thoughts aside, locks them away with other things she’ll never say to him and turns to face the crime scene.

“What have we got?”

Nathan holds up two cups of coffee and faces her again, wearing a smile that tugs at something inside of her.

“Good morning.” He reminds her, and as much as she wants to do this, as much as she wants to ignore everything Duke’s told her so she can return his grin and do a little bit of inappropriate flirting next to a dead body, she forces herself to think of what will be left for him when she goes away. She couldn’t possible do that to the man she cares about- couldn’t possibly give him what they’ve been working towards for six months, and then take it all away in 46 days.

“Sorry.” She answers, accepting the coffee. “Good morning. What have we got?”

She doesn’t miss the way his face falls minutely, the way he slips back into professional mode as if he wasn’t hoping for a different outcome. It hurts, knowing she’s done that to him.

(But it’s nothing, nothing compared to the look on his face later when she tells him she’s going away in a month and a half, and it’s not even close to forcing herself to push at him, to drive him away. It’s nothing close to the strange relief she feels as she watches him walk away from her, bitter parting words ringing in her ears. _Isn’t it easier this way_ she repeats to herself, over and over until she just about believes it. _Isn’t it easier._ )

v.

She feels like an idiot.

She was so consumed with her idea that if she left Nathan alone, if she pushed him away, she could keep him safe. Safe from the people who had killed the man Lucy Ripley had loved, and safe from the hurt he’d feel when she went away for 27 years.

In retrospect, it wasn’t her best idea.

Lucy’s love turned out to be her son, and Nathan died anyway.

_God, this town._

Somewhere down the street a car horn sounds, and Audrey opens her eyes. Someone’s car has been left in the middle of the road, most likely by a driver who woke up in the middle of the day slumped over on his steering wheel with no memory of why.

Audrey almost groans out loud. It’s been a hell of a day. But, like she told Nathan, she’s eager to go through plenty more. There’s no point in rolling over and accepting her fate anymore; she’s got plenty to fight for, hasn’t she?

The car door swings open and Nathan slips into the truck, holding a paper bag and a cup holder.

She takes the drinks and he places the bag between them, pulling the door shut.

“I got a couple questions about the gas leak, but everyone seems to be buying it.” He sighs, looking over at her. She gives him a smile.

“Sometimes I think they’re just deluding themselves into thinking this town’s still normal.”

He shrugs. “Probably.” He reaches out a hand and she grabs one of the white coffee cups and then pauses, glancing back up at him.

“Which is you?”

“Right.” He points to the correct cup and she hands it over, taking the remaining one and putting the cardboard holder down.

“Got a call from Duke.” He says as he starts the car. “He’s still at the Gull.”

“Everything okay?” She asks, taking a long sip of coffee.

“Fine. Everyone’s a little… Out of it, but he says they’re all okay.” Nathan turns and looks over his shoulder as he reverses down the street in order to avoid the abandoned car. She doesn’t miss the way his hand brushes her shoulder as he turns back around to face forward. A few weeks ago they would have avoided little touches like that like the plague. All of a sudden some switch seems to have been flicked, and they’re almost back to how they used to be.

Audrey leans her head against the window, the coolness of the glass presses against her forehead. She can feel him glance over at her a few times before he speaks.

“You okay?”

She looks over at him, raises her eyebrows. “Not really.”

“We’ll get him.” At her confused look, he clears his throat and continues. “The skinwalker. We’ll find him, and then we’ll find out how to keep you from going away.”

 _We we we_ echoes in her head. She finally feels like she can believe him now. For weeks she had just accepted her fate, hadn’t tried to fight it. What was the point; the cycle had repeated itself for decades, maybe even centuries. She didn’t stand a chance.

But it suddenly seems worth it to fight it. It seems like maybe, just maybe, there’s the smallest possibility she’ll come out the other side. And that’s worth holding onto.

“Here you go.” Nathan comes to a stop next to her car, left alone on the side of the road. She nods, pushing open the car door. Her feet barely touch the ground when he calls her name.

“Audrey?”

She turns, leans against the car as she faces him.

“See you tomorrow.”

Tomorrow sounds nice, she thinks. Tomorrow can work.

“Yeah. Tomorrow.” She turns away again, shuts the door behind her and walks to her car feeling his eyes on her back. She looks over just as he drives away, pausing to lean on her open front door and watch as he turns at the end of the street.

_Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow_

vi.

Nathan shuffles items around in his arms and knocks gently on the door, waits for a raspy and tired voice to beckon him in. He shuts the door behind him, crosses over to the bed and begins to set everything down on her little bedside table. First come the flowers; he sees her break into a smile as he sets them down firmly right next to the head of her bed.

“You didn’t have to.” She murmurs, and he almost breaks from how small her voice sounds. She sounds so incredibly worn out, like she’s fought this immeasurable foe and just barely escaped. Which isn’t far from the truth, he supposes.

He sets down his cup next, leaving it maybe a little too close to the edge as he sits down on the side of her bed, forgoing the cold wooden chair provided.

He wishes he could have come sooner, but he didn’t get the call that she was awake until he was nearly an hour away. He had turned around right away, pursuing a member of the Guard could certainly wait, but it still took him too long to get here.

When he’d arrived the doctor’s had said she had fallen asleep again, but at least this was the kind of sleep she was expected to wake up from. He’d run out and grabbed the flowers and then rushed back to wait for her.

“So…” She begins, tilting her head back on the pillow to get a better look at him. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He answers, unsure of where to begin. “How do you feel?”

“Been better, honestly.” She manages a small smile. She slides her hand around on the blanket until it bumps his. She entwines their fingers and her smile widens. “How are you doing?”

He almost gasps from the contact. He supposes he had forgotten what this truly felt like; he’d tried to remember, tried to hold onto Audrey and everything she was, but he couldn’t quite manage this sensation of feeling her warmth and her strength all in one simple touch.

He clears his throat. “I’m not the one who hopped through dimensions.”

She laughs softly. “I don’t know if it was dimension hopping,” 

“Well, whatever it was,” He squeezes her hand. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“Yeah, so am I.” She stares up at him for a minute in that patented Audrey Parker look, in a way that twists his insides.They gaze at each other like love sick idiots for a few long, wonderful moments before Audrey turns away, glancing towards the table.

“So what’d you bring me?” She asks, nodding at the half empty cup on the table.

“Oh, that’s mine actually.” He reaches out and grabs it, resting it on his leg. “I don’t know if the doctor said-“

“The doctor’s been pumping me full of ice chips and jello, what’s he going to know if I have a few sips.” She reaches out and plucks it from his hand (not that he puts up much of a fight) and raises it to her lips before he can even form a protest.

She grimaces almost immediately after her first sip, quickly handing the paper cup back to him.

“Oh god, what is that?”

“Tea.” Nathan smiles, taking a sip himself. “Orange blossom.”

“That’s revolting.” She turns her head and coughs.

He sets it back on the table. She eyes it distrustfully.

“Why’d you get tea?”

He shifts on the bed. “The lady at the shop said I seemed stressed.”

Audrey grins widely. “Did she?” She begins running her thumb over the back of his hand, and he pauses for a moment before continuing.

“She said it would help me calm down.”

“Was she right?”

He thinks about the racing of his heart right now, all the feelings coursing through him from her touch and her smile and her just being here, being safe.

“Not really.”

She laughs. It’s hoarse and almost hallow, but it’s beautiful. She reaches out and grabs the cup, takes another sip, and makes the same face as before. She sets it back down on the table with an audible noise.

“Never get me that again, okay?”

Nathan looks up suddenly like he’s had a revelation; there will be time for again. There will be time for a thousand more cups of coffee in the morning, and for so much more. He reaches over and grasps her other hand.

“Okay.” He whispers.

She closes her eyes, and he would think she’s fallen asleep if not for the constant motion of her thumb brushing over his hand.

“Parker?” He murmurs, leaning in close over her. He’s suddenly too afraid to talk loudly, afraid of what will happen if he makes this confession out loud. But there’s been too much buried between them already, too much kept inside. It almost tore him apart last time, he won’t do it again.

She makes a noise of recognition, inviting him to continue.

“I love you.”

Her thumb stops moving and a slow smile spreads across her face, stretching until she’s grinning like an idiot and he’s pretty sure he is too.

“Yeah. Me too.”

He leans down a few inches more and presses a kiss to her forehead.


End file.
